...and the Countdown goes on and on...

3 more days!! Tomorrow I bowl...mwah ha ha ha ha!

Air quotes

This is in response to this awesome post about using quotation marks incorrectly. This image came from foundmagazine.com. I really don't want to know what kind of home-made contraption a "tampon" is, and if it's not a real toilet bowl, what is it? No, don't tell me, I really don't want to know.

"t"

The countdown continues...

4 more days!! Tomorrow I have to have a pizza lunch and watch a talent show. Life is tough...

The countdown begins...

5 more days!! Tomorrow we race cars all morning...god my job is so hard.

Hell Week

Have you ever noticed how everything seems to happen at once? This is hell week for me, I've got this massive paper due (that's pretty much ruling my life at the moment), a presentation to plan and give, a 25 minute video that I need to finish shooting and edit, a grade 8 farewell to organize, a bridal shower to help plan and to attend out of town, and I'm trying to fit in runs, bikes and swims for this mini-triathlon that my friend Kyla talked me into. So, all of this stuff is going on this week. Next week however...nothing, in fact, there'll be nothing to stress me out after Monday of next week (other than the usual).

So, I apologize if I've forgotten your birthday or something in the last few days, or if I'm a huge, self-centered, pain in the ass or if I've gotten on your nerves whining and complaining that I've got so much stuff to do. I'm running on a few hours sleep a night and it seems that all roads in my life are converging at one big traffic accident at the moment. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and July is going to be awesome, and hopefully, well-deserved! So, for now, leave me alone! I've got some shit to take care of...

Ode to Procrastination

Oh Fair Procrastination, how thou doth burden me!
I try to commence my chore
but to no avail, for more pleasant tasks absorb my attention

My conscience stirs, it calls to me:
"get back to work you lazy ass"
And yet, I cannot,
nay, for there is a Simpson's episode dawning,
the likes of which I have never seen.

Again, my worries do call:
"Thou time is almost ended, you must return to your toil!"
But instead, mine eyes do see that the floor requires sweeping
or that I should really arrange my DVDs alphabetically.

Oh this affliction, I do abhor thee!
Why doest thou harass me with such vigor!

Common Sense is Not So Common

Ok, so I just got home from seeing "Knocked Up" with my buds. It was funny, I liked it. I almost don't mind paying $10 to see a movie when it doesn't suck. I do mind however, paying $10 and listening to a baby cry through an entire movie.

I just don't understand people. Why are you bringing a 2 year old to an "R" rated movie with multiple sex scenes in it? Yea, maybe babies don't understand what's going on but it's still inappropriate. And why would you take a baby to a late movie on a Saturday night, aren't babies supposed to be in bed at a reasonable hour?

It's not like this was Shrek or something where at least the baby could get something out of watching the pictures, it was a adult movie, about adult topics, with adults actually in the movie, what's a two year old going to enjoy about that? When you see "family" movies, you expect that there will be children in the audience and that they may cry or be kind of noisy, so it's no big deal. I don't think that it's fair to all the paying customers who go to see a film that is obviously not intended for children, to have to listen to a baby cry the entire time. And by the way, TAKE THE KID OUT OF THE ROOM. I'm sure you're not enjoying the movie with a screaming kid on your lap so what makes you think the rest of us are?

Hey, I'm pro-baby, I'm on team baby, I enjoy children and I invite you all to have 10 of them if you so wish. I'm no baby-hater, but I just think that this is a good example of people who are not using their common sense, which seems to be less and less common these days. Or maybe these people are just so self-absorbed they don't know what's going on around them or maybe they just don't care. They have special screenings for parents and kids, go to one of those, or get a babysitter, or rent a movie.

Just a final note to all you offenders, when you're in the theatre with your screaming baby, everyone in the theatre is judging you. It may not be nice, it may not be fair, but at that moment everyone in the room thinks you are a bad parent. If I were you, just knowing that, would be reason enough for me to leave the kids at home.

Play Time

When you were growing up did you have that friend who had all the toys that you wanted but didn't have? I swear I had this friend who I only hung out with because her stuff was cooler than mine. I'm buying a birthday present for my best friend's daughter and it reminded me of all the things I wanted as a kid but didn't have, here's a list. (This list is in no way comprehensive, I was a very needy child)

• Snoopy Snow Cone Maker - the most impractical toy ever. It was super hard to use and once you ran out of the syrup it was mostly just an elaborate ice shaver.
• Nintendo Gameboy - it's smaller than a compact car but bigger than a breadbox, it's the 80's version of gameboy, now I think they just implant them directly into the user's brain. I always wanted one even though I didn't really like video games, I probably would have developed a Tetris addiction.
• Guess Who Board Game - I loved this game. I can't explain exactly why but this was hands down, my favourite board game. Actually it still is, I would still play this game.
• Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego video game - back before the television show it was really cool, but then Rockapella ruined that. Where in the world is Rockapella? That's a mystery no one wants solved.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head, I'm sure I could come up with more, like I said, I coveted a lot of things in my youth. (oh, who am I kidding, I still want lots of stuff) What would you add to my list?

An Open Letter to Gas Pigs

Today I witnessed something that made me angry, horrified and appalled. After shopping at Costco (because, yes, I am a little white-trashy), I walked out into the parking lot where a couple were standing beside their large 1/2 ton truck smoking (which in itself is horrifying). It's a pretty nice day today, but it's not scorching hot, yet those people were standing there puffing on their cancer sticks while their gas-guzzler was running. They were running their truck with the a/c blowing so it would cool down before they got in! I turned to my friend and made a snarky comment like: "wow, at $1.20 a litre, these people must be millionaires." They might as well just light their money on fire. But even more appalling is the fact that there are people AT WAR because of our gas consumption practices. I bet those soldiers in IRAQ would love to have some air conditioning while they're busy TRYING NOT TO DIE, not to mention the environmental damage you're doing just because it's a little hot outside and you're a douche bag.

Congratulations to you if you can afford a hummer or to just throw your money away by wasting fuel, but that doesn't mean you should actually do it. Just because you have a small penis or low self-esteem doesn't mean that we should all have to suffer. And for the rest of us that actually give a shit, maybe if we start being a little more vocal people will get the point that it's not cool to be a gas pig.

Happy Trails to You

Ok, I'm throwing this idea out into the universe and you can disagree if you want to, but...I think series finales are never satisfying. I'm speaking specifically about Gilmore Girls here, but really, has anyone ever been totally satisfied when a well-loved show ends? Seinfeld...not satisfying, Friends...not satisfying...Sex in the City...moderately satisfying. Gilmore Girls...NOT SATISFYING!! It just seemed like everything ended too quickly and all the loose ends just wrapped up too neatly, ya know? Maybe I'm just bitter it's over. Let's be honest, in a week or two I won't even miss it.

I'm baaack!

Well, maybe it's the whiskey talking, or maybe it's the fact that I'm procrastinating, either way, I'm back on the blog.

Jamie's is hilarious, and Erin's is updated sporadically at best, and they've inspired me to start anew.

Tonight, Cindy, Farley and I waited in line for almost 2 hours to meet Phil from the amazing race. I really wanted to ask Phil to record my new phone message, it would go something like this: "Tricia is away on a trip sponsored by our friends at Travelocity, the last team to leave her a message may be eliminated, you have $1.00 for this leg of the race." Unfortunately all I got was a picture, it's fantastic so I'll post it when Farley sends it to me.

As we were waiting in line I filled out an application for Phil's (we're best friends now so I can call him Phil) new TV show about people facing their fears and wanting to do something crazy like bungee jumping or something. I couldn't really come up with anything. Apparently I'm very boring and have no ambition. Just thought you all should know. Maybe if you think of something I could aspire to you could let me know.

Scary Mary

Julie Andrews scares the crap out of me.

Superman's kind of a dick

This has been the longest week ever! Who wants to go drinking at Agribition on Saturday....anyone anyone? Ok, watch this...it's funny.

Are you a good driver?

Apparently I am a fantastic driver. I mean, I always knew I was a great driver but now I have actual scientific confirmation. 'Cause everything on the Internet is scientific right?

Has anyone seen Cindy?

Imaginary friends rock! Having one doesn't make you strange or scary. Right Cindy? Cindy?

New link

It's been busy people, but I promise to find some time for funny posts soon. In the meantime...check out woot.com. It features one deal a day and when it's gone, it's gone. It's kind of a neat idea.

The grad-school version of the diarrhea song

I swear I've heard this at the university!! - I stole this from McSweeney's

When you're analyzing Joyce
and your butthole has no choice:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you're paraphrasing Bloom
and you're stinking up the room:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you're quoting Schopenhauer
and release a dirty shower:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you're citing Marcel Proust
and you feel that doo-doo juice:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you're laughing at Voltaire
and you flood your underwear:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

Canadians are well rounded...

And you thought his only talent was punching guys in the face...

Lucky Penny

Ah, Penny. You always were the brains behind the operation. Why didn't you ever take any credit? Why didn't you let the police force know of your uncle's gross incompetence. What would have happened if one day someone was seriously injured by his go-go gadgetry? Would you have felt remorse and responsibility? Would you huh? You don't know do you Penny. You selfish bitch.

Everybody was attempting to Kung Foo Fight

Remember when I was training to be a cage fighter? I quit because I thought that the quality of instructors was seriously lacking. What do you think?