I am Social Awkward/Retarded

You know when you meet someone who immediately puts you at ease? Who makes you feel so comfortable it's as if you've known them for years instead of minutes? That charismatic person who makes you want to join their club within moments of meeting them? I am not that person.

Apparently I come across as a stuck up bitch.

This was pointed out to me, a little more kindly than maybe I've phrased it, by someone I've known a while. We were talking about when we first met (in quite a large group of people), and what our first impressions were. My first impression of him was pretty dead on, and his of me? Well, I think it's pretty much the polar opposite of how I really am.

I think that sometimes when someone is a little shy, maybe not immediately chatty or obviously friendly, it comes across as aloof. So, I guess I need to work on that. It wouldn't kill me to be a little more outgoing sometimes. But it was also a good reminder that often our first impressions are dead wrong. Unfortunately, they're also really hard to overcome. So, I'm going to switch from the shy/stuck up kind of social awkwardness I've rocked for the last 31 years to the over-the-top, in-your-face friendly kind of social awkwardness. (I'm taking my cues from that Wal-Mart greeter who follows you out to your car to say "have a nice day", he always seems friendly...maybe a bit on the creepy side, but creepy-friendly is still friendly right?)

Hopefully it doesn't come across as fake. I really hate fake people.

PS...you don't need to comment that you don't think I'm a bitch...it's a given, besides, if my friends think I'm an asshole I'm really beyond help.

Fishing for Stalkers - now with audience participation

So, last week I was at this training thing where one of the instructors (let's call him "Bill")was a guy about my age. Bill was definitely enjoying his time in the spotlight and his role as "expert". Besides myself there were only two other people in the young category, both were guys I know through work, let's call them Bert and Ernie. So Bert, Ernie and myself, already knowing each other kinda well, spent most of our time hanging together and teaming up for the group activities. In the meantime, Bill was trying pretty hard to be our friend and would often come over and chat with us. There was a moment during the second day where I felt somewhat sexually harassed, to the point where even Ernie commented that Bill was a little on the awkward side. I thought I made it pretty known to Bill that I wasn't impressed and that I was annoyed in his general direction.

So, you can imagine my surprise when I open my email today to find that Bill has added me as a friend on Facebook. First of all maybe Bill's weirdness was awkward flirting but seriously, can you not tell when someone doesn't like you? And second of all, it's kind of creepy because Bill would have had to copy down my last name at the course and take it home with him, because I certainly didn't give it to him. So yea, a little on the creepy side. However, as someone pointed out to me, the only thing that makes it creepy is that I'm not interested, if I was interested it would be flattering.

So, I kind of want to add him as a friend because I want to see where this goes, yea a little "Mean Girls", but whatever. But then, as was also pointed out to me, he could be my potential next stalker, which is slightly less hilarious.

So, I leave it up to you, my three faithful readers...leave your vote in the comments and I'll go with the majority, either way, hilarity will ensue.

Wise Riders circa 1992

This video is like 70% of the educational videos we have at work. I seriously have the best job evah! And I'm pretty sure that's the guy from Happy Gilmore, you know the guy; he eats pieces of shit like you for breakfast. Seriously, I'm like 67% sure that's him.

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Honey, you can do better

There's not a court in the land that would convict this woman for murder. Justifiable homicide has a face...but it ain't pretty.

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It's Up, It's Down, It's Up Again

This post is not about my sex life...sorry to disappoint.

So I posted my last post. Then I took it down. Then I posted it again. (Yes, I know some of you noticed...and yet you still didn't comment...you know who you are!!)

I'm a pretty private person. Outside of a small group of friends, I would say there are very few people who really know me well. I just keep some things to myself, for example, people I work with don't know anything about my personal life and I like it that way. I may come across loud, obnoxious and out going, but actually, I'm really shy. I have a hard time talking to people I don't know well and I have to work really hard to fake being friendly sometimes. So...when I posted about dating randoms that is probably the most personal I've ever gotten on my blog and I had poster's remorse. Then I realized that there are really only a few people who read this waste of time...and they already know all this about me so...whatevs.

Dating is Awkward

Confession: I've never dated someone I didn't know before. Usually I've dated a friend (which always turns out well, let me tell you), or a friend of a friend. I've always had a strict policy of any potential dates needing to have a reference. And (although keep in mind, I've been single a really, really, really long time)this policy has worked out well.

When you date someone you know, or at least have someone in common with, there's always something to talk about and conversation comes fairly naturally. And for the most part, I can chat with anyone. But when you go out with a random, there's no topic you have to fall back on, you can't just talk about the person you both know. I hate forced conversation. It's so unnatural and awkward.

Which is not to say that I'm not currently enjoying the random I've been hanging with. It's a good time, but can be a little forced. I just wish we could skip over the whole "getting to know you" phase and move right into the "this silence isn't because we have nothing to talk about it's because we're too busy making out to talk...or whatever".

And ironically enough, when me and Random talk on the phone, it's like for hours . Literally. We haven't had a phone conversation that's lasted less than 2 hours. We always have tons to talk about on the phone. I guess it's just easier to be relaxed when you're sitting on your couch in your pjs and he's doing whatever across town at his house. Maybe we should just have all our dates on the phone. We can go to the same movies or sit across from each other at a restaurant but never hanging up the phone, kind of like a security blanket. It may be a little freakish but, no relationship is perfect, right?

By the way, I went on a date tonight...it was good times.

PS - If When this works out, I'll be back to delete this post. So enjoy it while you can.

Why Internets aren't for Everybody

Speak out people! When you see an injustice you should raise your voice and demand social action and change! Well, maybe not everyone.

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PS - SPELL CHECK DAMMIT!!