I’m typing this at 2:15 am on Friday night (Saturday morning?). I’m not going to be able to sleep through the apocalypse currently happening outside my hotel room so I’m going to share...enjoy.
Let’s back up, shall we? When we arrived this afternoon there were dressed up kids all over the lobby and I wondered why there was a prom in the middle of August. Now mind you, these kids didn’t look so bright so I figured it was summer-school prom or something. But then I just realized they were drunk. At four in the afternoon. All over the place. And all wearing strapless dresses. I had just landed in the middle of an episode of “The Hills” and someone was getting married.
There were drunk kids everywhere, drinking outside the hotel, drinking in the parking garage, drinking in the lobby. I’m not even exaggerating when I say the elevator doors opened and drunk girls, with pink drinks and too much eye make-up spilled out. Drunk, drunk, drunkity-drunk, drunk. This was not a good sign. Also, there were no grown-ups, anywhere. I didn’t see one person over the age of 25. This was going to be awesome.
So now, at present time: There are about 8 drunk people standing in front of room 514 banging on the door. Apparently Molly has passed out inside the room and won’t let anyone in. Even though they’re knock-, no wait, now banging on the door. God dammit Molly, you’re so inconsiderate!
2:20 – Oh thank gawd. Molly’s boyfriend has arrived, I’m sure he’ll take care of this! Can you believe this isn’t even her room? O.M.G! I’m just so glad that everyone is talking SO FUCKING LOUD in the hallway that I can follow the drama. When does Lauren Conrad show up? Or hotel security for that matter, because I’ve called twice for fuck sakes.
2:25 – Shit just got serious. I don’t know what the hell just happened to Molly but that was not her room and that was not her boyfriend. Yikes! Now there’s some new bimbo in the hallway yelling: “Was her name Molly!? WAS IT?!?” There’s more banging going on because I guess Molly shut the door behind her after screwing new-girl’s boyfriend. How rude. There’s some pushing and shoving going on and more yelling. Thank god my sleep number bed is comfortable.
2:50 - Everyone on our floor must be awake by now. The guy at the front desk has assured me the police have been called. I hope they use their tazers. I’m standing at the door watching out the peep hole. Part of me is so angry I want to go out there and strangle those little bastards and part of me is enjoying this soo much it’s kind of sad.
3:00 – Slutty boyfriend is getting kicked out of his room. “I paid 90-fucking-dollars for this room and you’re kicking me out?!?” I think that’s his way of saying goodbye to all of us on the fifth floor. Sleep well Slutty Boyfriend, (in the back of your Corsica), and goodnight moon.
9:00am – We head down to the lobby, to apologize to the night front desk guy who I reamed out repeatedly and who I think at one point I called “an incompetent fuck-tard” (I get grumpy-wumpy when I’m sleepy-weepy). Mid-apology it occurs to me that yesterday was Friday and who gets married on a Friday? Oh no...that was not the wedding....THAT WAS ONLY THE REHEARSAL DINNER OH MY GOD NOOOOO!!!!
Our new room on the 9th floor is much quieter.
What have we learned:
1. I don’t know what the liquor laws are here but the hotel should not have let these kids have this much booze all day.
2. Children should be supervised at all times.
3. People should not be allowed to marry before the age of 25.
4. Priceline.com is the place to book your hotel because I spent WAAY less that Slutty Boyfriend. Ha!
