Heel-ing

I can't express to you how depressing it has been for me to be injured. 

I have been running off and on for about 8 years.  I've done countless 5K runs but nothing longer.  I started a half-marathon clinic but couldn't finish.  Up until this past fall the longest had ever run was 12K; the last run before I quit the clinic.  Looking back I'm so disapointed in myself that I quit, and it was because I talked myself out of it.  It was a clinic where no other person was a first time half-marathoner.  Everyone else was a seasoned runner with more than half the class taking the clinic with a personal best goal in mind.  So I was always at the back of the pack, literally.  And it was difficult.  So I just quit.  It bothered me for a long time because I usually start what I finish.  But I didn't, and I make no excuses, I just quit.

I continued to run, sporadically at best.  A 5k here and there but nothing serious.  I did a mini-triathlon, twice, but felt pretty unfulfilled as far as running went.

Last spring I started running with a friend who was training for a half marathon.  She was dedicated and regimented and I joined her bandwagon and appropriated her enthusiasm. She pushed me to run my first ever 10K race and I seriously considered registering for a half-marathon with her in January.  But that was weeks ago.

I felt soreness in my heel for a while but one morning I woke up and literally couldn't walk.  I started to feel better the more I moved around but when I felt a snap in my foot while playing basketball I knew something was seriously wrong.

I have tissue damage in my foot related to a bone spur.  Nothing serious, but recovery can take up to a year.  I went from running 3 times a week and playing basketball and volleyball weekly to barely being able to stand for an entire work day.

It's getting better, excrutiatingly, incrementally, slowly, improving.  But the worst part is knowing I was so close to a long-held goal and not being able to finish.  I didn't want to quit.  And I'm worried I won't be able to get back where I was.  I worry that I don't have the commitment or the stamina or the drive to do it all over again.  I'm worried that my foot will hurt forever and I won't be able to play basketball anymore, or run, or even walk without a limp.  I worry and wait for it to get better, but I'm impatient and worrying is not helping matters much.  It's not productive but then again, neither am I these days.