My job is a gong show

I never really post about my job, mostly because I don't want to lose it. I wish I had the guts to though because as some of you know I have some pretty hilarious work-related stories. Some involving monkey-punching, mixed drinks and the like. But today was weird and so I'm posting about it...so there.

Today a kid brought a hamster to school in a baby wipes container with no air holes. He's six and it was his mom's idea (Seriously? Why didn't you just send it in a ziplock bag?). So at 9:10 AM I drove a hamster home. I have 8 years of post-graduate education. Today I was a rodent taxi-driver. I love my job.

I brought sexy back and got store credit....

Ok, so I got tagged to write the 5 reasons why I think I'm sexy. And following notquiteawake's lead I will also answer this sarcastically since I am in no way sexy:

1. In my job, I spend an inordinate amount of time cleaning up bodily fluids. Nothing is sexier than mopping up puke or urine. Or driving someone home who has peed their pants....that's pretty sexy too.

2. I drive a four-door Kia. Seriously, is that not a pussy wagon or what? I can't believe I just wrote "pussy wagon"...that's a Grease reference people, I like boys.

3. I'm drunk after two Coors Lites. And not sexy drunk either. I get walking into things, belligerent, yelling at people drunk. I'm a mean Coors Lite drinker. (Read: lame)

4. I like board games. 'Nuff said.

5. Favourite food: grilled cheese. Nothing is hotter than food that you cut the crusts off....and, "crusts" is not a hot word. Say it; "crusts"...actually it's kinda gross. Crusts, crusts...guh..I think I'm gonna barf...also not hot.

This will haunt my dreams...

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