Scary Mary

Julie Andrews scares the crap out of me.

Superman's kind of a dick

This has been the longest week ever! Who wants to go drinking at Agribition on Saturday....anyone anyone? Ok, watch this...it's funny.

Are you a good driver?

Apparently I am a fantastic driver. I mean, I always knew I was a great driver but now I have actual scientific confirmation. 'Cause everything on the Internet is scientific right?

Has anyone seen Cindy?

Imaginary friends rock! Having one doesn't make you strange or scary. Right Cindy? Cindy?

New link

It's been busy people, but I promise to find some time for funny posts soon. In the meantime...check out woot.com. It features one deal a day and when it's gone, it's gone. It's kind of a neat idea.

The grad-school version of the diarrhea song

I swear I've heard this at the university!! - I stole this from McSweeney's

When you're analyzing Joyce
and your butthole has no choice:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you're paraphrasing Bloom
and you're stinking up the room:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you're quoting Schopenhauer
and release a dirty shower:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you're citing Marcel Proust
and you feel that doo-doo juice:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you're laughing at Voltaire
and you flood your underwear:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

Canadians are well rounded...

And you thought his only talent was punching guys in the face...

Lucky Penny

Ah, Penny. You always were the brains behind the operation. Why didn't you ever take any credit? Why didn't you let the police force know of your uncle's gross incompetence. What would have happened if one day someone was seriously injured by his go-go gadgetry? Would you have felt remorse and responsibility? Would you huh? You don't know do you Penny. You selfish bitch.

Everybody was attempting to Kung Foo Fight

Remember when I was training to be a cage fighter? I quit because I thought that the quality of instructors was seriously lacking. What do you think?

Monica Lewinsky's Undergarments

Will Farrell was so funny on SNL. Even in his worst movies he's still pretty funny, there were even moments in 'Elf" where I laughed hysterically, although I was drunk at the time. What's your favourite Will Farrell moment? Discuss amongst yourselves...

Mom's a Real Ball Buster

Seriously, who is the genius who came up with this idea? Can I just say that I'd be a much better person if I'd have had this game growing up. Either that or I'd be (more of) an A class bitch...

Do I know you?

Hey, it's Labour Day weekend....you just might run into someone you know!!

Kill a Little Time

Here are a couple of good time wasters for all those of you working (not so) hard on such a gloomy, rainy day.

In this game you have to parallel-park a car, harder than it sounds.

If you're a math superstar, this is for you.

Don't you know there's a war on?

It is morally and ecologically irresponsible to drive a Hummer. People who drive hummers don't give a shit about the environment and must have some serious deficiencies as a human being that they are trying to overcompensate for. This being said...this is a funny commercial, but it'd be funnier if they were driving a hybrid.

Hassel-hawful

I'm not going to speculate as to how Shawn found this link, I'm sure he's not spending his free time scanning the Internet for Hasselhoff links or anything. It's not like he's got a D.H. background on his computer. I'm certain that the Baywatch theme song isn't his ringtone, like he said, it just sounds really similar. The fact that Shawn has been spending his time practising his slow motion running down Regina beach is just an unfortunate coincidence.

High tea in the parlor makes the ladies holla...

Here's a shout out to my biaches and ho's. Don't forget, everyone's favourite band, Power Stance Chachi, performs tomorrow night. YEAH PAR-TAY!!

Was there ever any doubt?

Gotta love the 70s

Visit this site and find out what song was number one on the day you were born. It's supposed to be quite revealing about your personality or something I suppose, but I think it's bunk. Although maybe I'd put more faith in it if my song was cooler. Yea, my song? How Deep is Your Love by the Bee Gees... Shut up.

It's a small world after all...

This one's for Farley, and all geography lovers. Keep in mind it's not entirely accurate, you'll have to throw in the Ukraine, Azerbaijan, Belarus etc. on your own.

Dance your cares away...

I don't know what it is but just hearing the first few bars makes me so happy.

Dear Asshole

Ever wanted to leave a note on a car in a parking lot? Something like:"Thanks for taking up two parking spots, I can see why you'd want to showcase that 1994 Taurus." or, "Congratulations on your purchase of a Hummer, now everyone knows you have a small penis, not just your dissatisfied wife". I think this may be a good start...

Ick Factor Level Orange

Ever wanted to sexually harrass a world leader? Thanks for the tip Jamie!

It's fun to make fun of short people...

Wha choo tawkin' 'bout Willis?

On the phone with "Skylarking Jane"

Have you seen the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie yet? Me neither. Yeah, we should totally go sometime. What? No, I can go right now. Because I have stuff to do. Like school stuff. I have to read and write papers and stuff. No, it's not easy. Listen, that's totally a misconception that Education's easy, it's hard man. Don't get all condescending. Yes you are. Yes you are. Yes you ARE! I'M NOT YELLING! NO I'M NOT! NO I'M NOT!

I don't want to see this movie with you anymore.

Here's a link so you can get a pirate nickname whether you're a girl or a boy.

Don't call me anymore. Jerkface.

Better than Britney

Ok, this is actually a pretty good version of the Britney Spears song "Toxic". But it's missing the hillbilly, no shoes in a public washroom, baby droppin', trashiness that only Britney can provide.

Random fun times...

I just think this is neat-o. Back to the books tomorrow folks.

One-liners from Sesame Street

• 1, 2, 3...4, 5, 6...7, 8, 9...10, 11, 12...and they all had fun, at the ladybugs picnic.
  

• A loaf of bread, a container of milk and a stick of butter.
  

• It's not easy being green.
  

• C is for Cookie, that's good enough for me.

Visit this page and relive some of your favourite Sesame Street moments. I'd like to recommend "Don't Take Your Ones to Town" with Johnny Cash and Big Bird, and the Ernie classic, "Rubber Duckie" (he makes bathtime lots of fun!) Three cheers to Jamie for this great find. Hip Hip...

Hold the pickles...

Pickles are ruining my life. This starts out funny but then gets just sad.

Let's Play the Feud!

This is courtesy of our bigfooted sea monster chasing friend, Jamie. I've polled 100 people and they agree that this is hilarious...well, maybe not 100, but at least 3.

The Writing's on the Wall

I love Big Brother, it's hands-down my favourite guilty TV pleasure and I can't wait until it starts again this summer...but...apparently the UK version of BB is much, much drunker, I mean better.

You are the weakest Link

Things I will say to Bob Barker when we have our inevitable final confrontation...

Beat Kids...not literally

Ray-Ray's demanding answers in the park. Be forewarned, this is pretty offensive....but funny.

"Tron: It's Totally Awesome"

They just don't make public service announcements like they used to.

That Time of the Month

Be prepared, this might get a little messy:

Riding the Crimson Wave, Miss Scarlett's Come Home to Tara, Trolling for Vampires, A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy, Saddling Old Rusty, Clean-Up in Aisle One, Massacre at the Y, T-Minus 9 Months and Holding, Game Day for the Crimson Tide, Panty Shields Up, Captain!, Taking Carrie to the Prom, Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp, Getting a Visit from Aunt Flo.

Ann Coulter: Shameless

Ok, let's break it down all political-like:

Holy crap, Ann Coulter is totally the devil incarnate. Watch the video and pray for the eternal damnation of her soul.

Bigfoot or Robin Williams? You Decide!

If anyone, and I'm not thinking of anyone in particular (Jamie), is on the hunt for bigfoot, I have some video that may be of use. Now, I would really like it if you could draw up a contract which guarantees me 50% of any profits gained from the use of this video. But then again, 50% of $0 is still $0, so nevermind.

Sasquatch gets a shave
Sasquatch pees the bed

What a Weekend!

Weekend highlights:

• The 'Riders win a meaningless pre-season game, in the most uninteresting game ever.
• The pep band debuts their new material, I can't wait for the lyrics to Mambo #5 to be ready...I'm on pins and needles I tell ya.
  
• Tricia has a mini-mental breakdown but makes a quick recovery thanks to iced coffee and banana loaf.
• Angela graduates and becomes a full fledged....um, I'm not sure what, but she's done school.

So, all in all, a pretty hum-drum weekend. Oh, yea...and Luke and Laura got engaged!!! Who'd a thunk it...good work there Luke! So Laura, now the real work begins. Here's some help from the experts. Congratulations!!

Eye of the Tiger

I'm totally not coaching volleyball or basketball next year, I just won't have time. No longer can the children at my school live in ignorance, no longer will the kids at my school be denied access to the one true sport; the only sport that challenges not only your physical stamina but also your intellect. Next year, all my extra-curricular energy will be entirely focused on, yes, say it with me: Chessboxing. That's right, chess and boxing. It's the best of both worlds. It's a real sport, no, really it is, no really. Shout out to Terri for this fine gem. Hay-ay!

A few words on sleep deprivation

A few gems from the relay this weekend:

• Betty scamming on Fred...it's just so wrong
• Betty scamming on Chris...yes, we did all see that, yes it was awkward
  
• Raelynne and Ryan learning about the birds and the bees in the parking lot
• Being ballerinas at Tim Horton's
• A shoe full of beer at the McDonald's playground
• My brother makes a mean hamburger
• Tricia being a total bitch at Twister at 4 in the morning ("Are you fricking kidding me? It's 4 in the morning!")
  
• Logan in a dress...commando...
• AND THE CROWD GOES WILD...for inappropriate lyrics

I slept a lot today but I'm still anticipating being a total zombie at work tomorrow... what a great weekend!

Rae's Cat is a Whore

Now, it's not like I'm one to spread idol gossip, and it's not like this can't be confirmed through a number of sources, and it's not like I'm the only one who think so...Rae, I have some bad news, your cat is a slut. Everyone in the neighbourhood knows. We all whisper about it on the corner as we take out the trash: your cat is as easy as Sunday morning. It's so sad, she obviously comes from a good home. She just has some self-esteem issues. It's sending shockwaves through the neighbourhood, the other female cats are circling the wagons; they're not about to let some two-bit hussy get her claws into their men. I know what you're thinking: this is all just gossip, how do you know this is going on, are you positive? Honey, I'm as positive as Trevis Smith's bloodtests.

Runaway Kicker

Apparently Duncan O'Mahoney would rather drop off the face of the earth than have to live in Winnipeg. I definitely understand that, Winnipeg totally sucks! Really, when someone is missing it's not really that funny, but since we all know he's ok, it'a a little bit funny. But what's really funny is the ad they've chosen to attach to this news article. Check out the screen shot.

Moses was the coolest guy in school

I'm not sure this is a literal interpretation of the Old Testament...but it does have some rockin' tunes!!

Happy Mother's Day

Don't dis your mother, she's not here, and without her you wouldn't be here, so when you dis one mother you dis all mothers. Fools!

I loves me a musical!

So our school musical is half over, one more performance to go. I'm exhausted, but already thinking about next year: maybe we'll do something like this...

Dude, Where's Kimmy Gibbler?

Ever wonder what happened to DJ's best friend Kimmy? Of course you do! It's not like you have anything better to think about since there's no good Brangelina gossip lately and since you're over making fun of Tom Cruise's very public mental breakdown. I wonder if when she's walking down the street, or maybe at a football game, people recognize her and scream out "Hey! It's Kimmy Gibbler, Hi Kimmy Gibbler!" I think if I saw her walking down the street I'd ask her what ever happened to Michelle? You just never hear about that kid do ya? Shout out to my researcher Farley, HA-AY!

#1 with Hudderites!!

If you look up "hudderite" on Sympatico.ca, my blog is the very first result...how hilarious! Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself jerk!

Everybody was Kung Foo Fighting...

Here's a video of Terri and I hanging at the mall last weekend...I look surprisingly asian.

The last straw...

This is painful to watch...

Crazy Ads

Ok, so apparently I gave up blogging for lent...sorry ya'll. Now that my class is over I'll post more often, in the meantime check this out, it's neat-o!

Dress up my Lord and Saviour

I'm totally going to lose my job, and I'm probably going to hell, but it's still really funny.

Tom Cruise gets creepier

Oh Baby! I loves me a Tom Cruise joke...

The Simpsons

I wish these people were my neighbours, instead of the weirdo Hudderite woman with the teddy bears who lives next door, and Rae...just jokes, I really don't mind the teddy bears.

McBlasphemous

What did you give up for Lent? Apparently I gave up good taste...

McFly!

Ok, this has got to be the most awkward thing I've ever seen. Even awkwarder than the "God Warrior". Crispin Glover needs to find a hoopty delorian to take him back to a few minutes before this show was filmed so he can check himself before he wrecks himself.

Welcome to the rubber room

Ok, so Tom Cruise is crazy. We've all seen, and heard, about his crazy Oprah shenanigans but I love this interpretation best. You tell him Oprah!

Sweetheart, I've got you under my skin. I'll wash and wash, but you'll never come out.

Happy Valentine's!

Mustaf Herod Aypur Poupr

Robert DeNiro keeps America safe...

MacGyver is priceless

I made my blog from a stick of gum, a toilet paper roll tube and a beer cap I found under my front seat...beat that MacGyver!