The grad-school version of the diarrhea song

I swear I've heard this at the university!! - I stole this from McSweeney's

When you're analyzing Joyce
and your butthole has no choice:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you're paraphrasing Bloom
and you're stinking up the room:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you're quoting Schopenhauer
and release a dirty shower:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you're citing Marcel Proust
and you feel that doo-doo juice:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

When you're laughing at Voltaire
and you flood your underwear:
Diarrhea. Diarrhea.

Canadians are well rounded...

And you thought his only talent was punching guys in the face...

Lucky Penny

Ah, Penny. You always were the brains behind the operation. Why didn't you ever take any credit? Why didn't you let the police force know of your uncle's gross incompetence. What would have happened if one day someone was seriously injured by his go-go gadgetry? Would you have felt remorse and responsibility? Would you huh? You don't know do you Penny. You selfish bitch.

Everybody was attempting to Kung Foo Fight

Remember when I was training to be a cage fighter? I quit because I thought that the quality of instructors was seriously lacking. What do you think?